Shame

Shame is a strong emotion that effects the internal state of a person self worth. There are many different types of shame from social to internal and even imaginary shame. Shame can have a powerful hold on an individuals and groups by subjugation of constraints of others ideas with judgements. Many famous Artists have been shamed by religious ,political and the public opinions that didn’t match thier ideologies. The standards and concepts we hold as individuals may conflict with others which may cause inner shame. The shame of someone else actions can effect a person view of themselves. For example I’m a bad parent or bad boss because of others not reaching our expectations. False shame is an image of never being good enough by our own internal judgements. This is often caused by past negative experiences of individuals(often in childhood)sometimes projecting thier shame or blame(to the defensive child) from our parents or teachers.

The social cues have a huge influence on controlling a person behaviour by shame. Linked to shame is embarrassment , guilt, disgust and other negative emotions. Imagine you discovered a friend was psychopath? what feelings would you have? what judgements would you have about them. The book “The Psychopath Whisper the science of those without a conscience” is a fascinating exploration of why certain individuals commit horrendous crimes. In essence the psychopath brains are different from the normal individual .


When an individual carries the shame it will have a negative impact on a person health and perception. The spiral of depression , self harm , isolation and other constricting elements can kill the inner candle of self worth. A key to remove the shackles of shame is to forgive yourself and others because we are only human.

Our constructed beliefs about ourself very often not true. Explore piece by piece if it really is true or was it what someone told you. The shame is a heavy load to carry and will effect your capacity and potential of what you can do. For example as a child you may of loved running and you were very good at that sport. One day you lost the crucial event for the school team. Your own beliefs about self , the team members , coaches and even parents could project their shame on to you that you were not good enough. The reality is , you did your best or maybe you were not focusing 100 per cent. Life is about winning and losing , that is how we learn to succeed. A new belief in life you could hold now , I did my best on that day. If you enjoy running why not start again and discover the joy of taking part regardless of winning or losing. When the expectations are too high in life you are going to lose at times.

Shame is often linked to abuse of some traumatic event in life from sexual to violence. You feel broken , unlovable and damaged for life because of PSTD. Recommend professional help to untangle the shame and misery so you can unload that heavy burden. One good insightful book by John Bradshaw will help you understand the complexity of shame called “Healing the shame that binds you”.