There is over 7 billion different individuals on this beautiful planet and guess what you are never going to meet even 1% which is about 70 million. From the day we are born we come in contact to a diversity of individuals forming different relationships. Some will be fleeting for example the nurse who helped bring you into the world to a long lasting relationship with a friend or family member.
The supreme relationships we can have is when both parties cultivate emotional intelligence. The 4 different areas that is fundamental to having emotional intelligence is 1:self awareness 2:self management 3: social awareness 4: relationship management. The area we will focus on is the last relationship about management but I prefer to call it harmony connections because in my mind I have the big boss or parent trying to control your free spirit obviously this is a projection from me. The idea of harmony connections is ubiquitous in the natural world around us with symbiotic relationships. In essence most humans want a fulfilling relationship where both groups or persons benefit from the interactions.
The word harmony can mean many different things but the flavour or idea of intelligent emotional interpersonal relationships like the sound of a sweet melodious arrangement. The connections between the music and the singer as they combine a crescendo of soul inspiring epiphany.
The world is full of many concepts and ideas on the variety of relationships from parenting to the chief executive officer of a large institution. The areas I have read about and perceive as a good foundation for any meaningful relationship which I will explain in this article in brief are 1: Communication 2 Empathy 3 Listening 4 Understanding 5 Diversity
Communication is so varied and of intensity and duration. In the animal kingdom the ants communicate by using chemical signals or pheromones. Frogs croak to entice a partner or a flamboyant gesture of a bird to succumb their mates libido. The human types of communication is rapidly changing with the use of technologies and demise of emotional intelligence.
Non verbal communication is a skill to develop in emotional intelligence which is often taken for granted. When the couple have been together for many years, just one look will communicate a positive or negative intention. Be wary of mastering this skill because in different cultures, social status and other factors a individual don’t use the same non verbal communication techniques. Try observing your local community and see if there are any common communication styles. Sherlock Holmes the great detective could decipher everything about the person before they communicated. Developing observation skills with your regular relationships will help you interpret their inner world. The verbal communication can be translated by the tone, duration , intensity and the use of words as a great clue of what they are trying to say. The secret is not to second guess of what they want or maybe not want to divulge but to listen.
Listening is a skill to enhance relationships trying to really understand what is happening in their domain which has many different realms occupying their mind. The responsibilities in the modern world can cause the simple man to have an array of roles he plays in his life. Being a father , lover, employee, friend, son, community fundraiser. With these responsibilities comes his feelings of past , present and future associations which can be triggered at any moment. The listening activities are being bombarded by our own conceptions and valuations which can trigger us by what was and not said.
Understanding what the person says , feels and what they don’t know but have a somatic sensations is a swamp of information to translate. The key phrase in emotional intelligence is “what do you mean?”. The deep conversation will reveal at times the truth or knowledge of what they want to say. Understanding simple questions may cause a demarcation of new ideas or concepts or not understanding at all.
Empathy is another vital tool to have harmonious connections because it isn’t just words we communicate but feelings are a part of being human. Imagine your friend or partner came home from work and they have lost their enjoyable job. Tendency for a lot of well meaning individuals is to fix the situation because it fills the fixer need of worth. By actively listening with no judgements trying to imagine you are them feeling their emotions. Empathetic listening is sharing the emotional energy of another person. I can say from experience that the most exhausting week of my life was when my wife was in hospital dying. We rarely spoke, I was just sitting their all day next to her bed just being present.
Finally diversity is a beautiful mosaic of life’s infinite variations of nature and people. Try to imagine every tree was exactly the same and every dog you saw that walked by was the same. Scientific perspective diversity ensures continuation of the species. The great thing about diversity it gives colour and spectrum to our existence. Remembering everyone is a unique individual is essential in emotional intelligence. You will never met another you and you are not the greatest but have amazing talents. Recognise that humans will be different in what they think , what they feel and be unpredictable at times is fact of life. We can’t predict how we are going to feel at a specific time , we might think we can but let’s face it life changes. Having realistic expectations of relationships we can connect into a harmonious orchestra of beauty and synergy.