Life is measure by actual events from the day of our conception to the day we die. The single cell rapidly divides over a gestation period then out you come into the big wide world. All through our life we measure our life by experiences from our first breath , first day at school and our first kiss. Over a 24 hour period the time is broken down to experiences from sleeping to eating , working and watching our favourite tv programme etc.
That is obvious you may say but what about those unfinished experiences or events in your life. For example you started to date that beautiful girl across the street then after a couple of weeks she dumps you. You never saw it coming , you had all those fantasies of getting married and having children , you thought she was the perfect one. How do you feel? All the way through our life there has been many experiences we have never finished and we develop strategies to avoid the unpleasant feelings and sensations that go with unfinished life events.
Gestalt the Psychologist and others develop the cycle of unfinished Business what humans do to cope. The different stages of this cycle is divided to identify our reactions.
Desensitisation is the opposite to sensations because painful emotions are too much for the person to bear. For example when you break up or lose a love one rather than feel the pain you use desensitisation techniques to soften the blow like alcohol and drugs and being busy.
Deflection is not being aware of what is happening and you ignore the emotional information. For example you have just broke up from your girlfriend and you don’t want think about it so you change the information by either activity or conversation.
Introjection is the opposite to mobilisation in other words instead of eating the food you enjoy you are given something you like to eat. An example in childhood experiences you wanted to play with friends but your parents said it was too dangerous but in reality you were safe. You had no choice but to obey and couldn’t play with your friends. Parents say and enforce a lot of introjections that may conflict to your own desires and ideas.
Projection is a very common strategy where a person judgements of self on to others because of shame and guilt and low self esteem. For example someone gives you a compliment but you project it back rather than accept it. Emotions often projected onto others because the person can’t handle the experience of emotional state they are in.
Retroflection is opposite to contact or connection. You may love someone but feel too ashamed to connect with them or you can’t finish what you have started. Imagine all that energy you going to ask someone out for a date then you back off the energy has to go somewhere.
Ego is a positive motivation of the self but because of fears we don’t participate. For example you would love to to play football but watch instead your friends playing afraid you might play badly. Imagine the opposite if you decided to have go and scored the feelings you would experience.
Confluence is when we can’t let go of an event or be ourselves. The wife always wanted to go to the restaurant all dressed up but we prefer to be more causal. Rather than being ourselves enjoying the experiences we go along with the crowd or the individual.This is the last step of the cycle of events but sometimes it hard to move on because of loss or to accept the change.
You may wonder why do I feel that way or have internal or external conflicts. The clues might go back to life events you never completed in your life. For example you are so sad every time your family talks about Granny dying suddenly. The unfinished cycle was that you never had the opportunity to say goodbye.